LOVE, LIMERENCE, AND GOOD WINE
The first time I fell in limerence, an all-consuming passion and infatuation, I was dumbfounded. I remember sitting across from the person of my affection drinking sparkling rosé and the lyrics from Diane Warren’s song “For You I Will” entered my mind, sung in the delicate voice of Celine Dion. “I would cross the ocean for you I would go and bring down the moon.” My first thought was, What the hell is this?! Next, I had the creeping realization that I now understood love songs.
For a while I enjoyed my newfound superpower. I cracked open a bottle of Her Syrah: a beautiful structured, medium-bodied wine with juicy, ripe plum and dark berry flavours that grow in beauty as it opens in your glass. Then I re-watched Madame Butterfly from a different perspective, now I could both understand the desperation and appreciate the art. But, like a true research psychologist I wasn’t going to sit with any emotion too long before questioning it. It was my questioning that led me to discovering limerence.
Connecting limerence and libations
Limerence is characteristically fuelled by the desire and thoughts of a person (not so much the person themselves). It can trigger jealousy, a desire to conform to a potential partner, insistent thoughts of someone else, or excitement by another. These emotions and behaviours were strange and unfamiliar to me. As I took stock of the impact limerence was having on me, I recognized I have had this feeling before and for many years, only this feeling of limerence was not towards a person, but towards wine.
This realisation excited me. I could research this feeling using wine, which I’ve always said has all the answers to life, to figure out myself in love and limerence. In doing so I could clearly see how they differ. You see, I have spent most of my years in wine in limerence. It was all about wine dreams - the Tuscan nights, Spain in the summer, Moroccan wine secrets, and South African adventures.
Balancing expertise and excitement
Studying wine for me was a dedication I didn’t always fully enjoy. It felt like consuming a ton of information to regurgitate for an exam and dulled the wine dream. Simultaneously, studying wine became an act of love to truly know the topic better, to move beyond the escapism of wine, and understand all aspects of the industry (including its negative parts). Now I’m not saying love is only about difficult things. Studying wine has moments and topics that excite me. Learning about wine has given my wine dreams context, and the security and confidence to explore more. Isn’t that also what love offers? Limerence can be foolish, but also has benefits: it pushed me to dream, to define the way I want to spend my future in wine. The ecstatic combination of both love and limerence can be characterized by my first trip to South Africa. I found myself in Cape Town - three hours away from Stellenbosch in a lesser-known wine region, walking amongst the vines and the beautiful architecture. How did I get there? I saw the vineyard once online and grew in such limerence that I dreamt about it over and over again. It was this desire, this emotional attachment to an experience I did not yet have that was so strong it put me into motion. It was on this trip I learnt more about the South African wine industry and about the Black women making incredible strides in a complex and sometimes difficult industry. It made me really think about the wineries and winemakers I wanted to represent in my import portfolio. You could say limerence drove me to a South African wine adventure, but it’s the love I experienced on that trip that led me towards a holistic approach to wine and appreciation for the people, practice, passion, and place.
So, what’s love without the dreams and desires of limerence? What’s limerence without the grounding nature, clarity, and safety of love? The answer may be the same as what makes a wine great, like I said wine has all the answers. The answer is balance. As a teacher of wine, I now understand the delicate balance of fueling wine dreams and facilitating wine knowledge.
